Just For Laughs

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

On This Day in History

February 8 Events: 1587 - Mary, Queen of Scots is executed. 1910 - The Boy Scouts of America begins. 1943 - World War II: Battle of Guadalcanal. 1971 - Start of the NASDAQ stock market index. 2001 - Disney's California Adventure park opens.

Famous Birthdays

February 8 Famous Birthdays: 1700 - Daniel Bernoulli (Mathematician) 1820 - William Tecumseh Sherman (Civil War General) 1828 - Jules Verne (Author) 1925 - Jack Lemmon (Actor) 1931 - James Dean (Actor) 1940 - Ted Koppel (News Anchor) 1940 - Nick Nolte (Actor) 1942 - Robert Klein (Actor) 1955 - John Grisham (Author) 1974 - Seth Green (Actor)

Betcha Didn't Know This!

The origin of Uncle Sam probably began in 1812, when Samuel Wilson was a meat packer who provided meat to the US Army. The meat shipments were stamped with the initials, U.S. Someone joked that the initials stood for “Uncle Sam”.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?" The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!" "How can you tell?" asks girl baby. "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. “See.....blue booties"

On the Light Side

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife. "No," I said. She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her purse and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill. "Have you ever seen a fifty dollar bill all crumpled up?" she asked. "No," I said. She gave me another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill. "Now," she said, "Have you ever seen ,000 all crumpled up?" "No," I said, intrigued. "Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."

Where Did This Come From?

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE: Something said when a person is at a loss for words. History: The source of this custom refers to the cat-o’-nine-tails – a whip used by the English Navy for flogging. The whip caused so much pain that the victims were left speechless.

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - As a police officer I quite often found myself working a car accident involving more than one car that required some traffic direction. It never failed that at least one of the vehicles moving through the accident scene would slow down by me and ask "What happened?" DUH! Stay alert! They walk among us!